Can't Say Goodbye
by Brat-Child3
Summary: One of the hardest things in life is saying goodbye, and learning how to let go. SxK


**Authors Note:** This was my very first SP story. Before I even started liking slash!VERY OLD!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own South Park.

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There never were raindrops on the window pane. Most often it was snow. It didn't matter really, because teardrops seemed to have the same effect when he pressed his face against the cold-platted glass like he was doing now. He wasn't sure exactly why he kept looking out. Maybe he was half-hoping _he _would be stopping by, even though it was only wishful thinking.

_Stupid Jew…_

Stan pushed away from the frosted window and brushed away the lingering tears. He didn't want to talk anyway. What the hell difference would it make? It wouldn't change anything. It was better if _he_ just went away, and the sooner the better.

His weary sigh caught in his throat when his eyes focused on the framed photo of him and Kyle. Fresh tears glassed his eyes as he took in their cheery smiles. He violently shoved it onto its front so he wouldn't have to look at it anymore. It was making him sick. It took a lot of willpower, but he managed to stop himself from smashing it to tiny bits. He knew if he did, he would hate himself for it later. It didn't matter how pissed off he was, or how hurt, he would always care about the dumb ass.

With another more violent swipe of his tears, he left the sanctuary of his room and slammed out of the house. He cursed sharply as he walked through the snow with no particular destination. He needed to clear his head, but he couldn't when all he could hear was Cartman's taunting after he spilled the bad news…

_Stan chucked a super-sonic boomerang, complete with flashing lights, clear across the school playground. It made a wide turn and came straight for Kyle._

"_Sweet!" He exclaimed when he caught it._

"_It's my turn." Kenny pointed out in his muffled voice. He pulled it away from Kyle and threw it as hard as he could._

_The three boys watched in amazement as it whizzed and flickered even farther than Stan had thrown it. Their smiles faded when it missed it's curve and landed in the field instead._

"_Hey, it didn't come back." Stan pointed out the obvious._

"_That's bull crap." Kenny murmured._

"_I'll get it." Kyle offered as he ran after it._

_The two remaining boys turned their attention toward Cartman when he walked up humming merrily._

"_What have you been so happy about?" Stan asked, kind of annoyed at his pleasant mood. It usually meant he was up to more crap._

"_Oh, no reason." He answered in a singsong voice. "It's kind of hard not to be when the sky is so blue and the sun is shining."_

_Stan and Kenny glanced at each other._

"_What?" Kenny squeaked._

"_Yeah, what the hell are you talking about? You sound like a stupid gay wad." Stan growled._

"_You really don't know, do you?" He questioned. "By this time next week, there'll be no more stupid Jew's in South Park."_

"_What?" Stan almost yelled in disbelief._

"_That's right, there is a God, because my prayers have been answered. Kyle's moving far, far away." Cartman clarified, his palms making invisible arches in the air for emphasis._

"_No…" Stan breathed. A sinking pain began to coil like a snake in the pit of his stomach as Cartman began to dance around and sing._

"_No more stupid Jew! Ha ha ha ha HA ha! And there's nothing you can do, cause he's just a stupid Jew!" He circled around Stan and pointed mockingly. "I guess you'll have to hook up with Wendy again now that your boyfriends history!"_

"_Screw you, you're lying." Kenny accused._

"_Screw you!" Cartman shot back. "I heard my Mom talking about it last night, and she said Kyle's moving. In your face, you poor piece of white trash!" _

_Kenny kicked his side as hard as he could._

_As for the third party, the world seemed to be crumbling around the blue and red clad boy as he stood motionless and slack jawed. A mix of terror and shock riveted through him, completely drowning out his bickering friends. For a few moments his heart and breath completely stopped, still and lifeless until he heard the now painful voice._

"_Here Stan, I got it." Kyle announced, holding it out to him._

_He snapped out of his trace and looked over at his best friends smile, then down at the boomerang in his green mitten. "You keep it. I don't want to play anymore." He stated as he walked away._

_Kyle frowned slightly. "What's wrong with him?"_

"_Maybe he realized how lame you are and wants you to piss off." Cartman chided._

"_Up yours, fat ass!" Kyle yelled. He handed the boomerang to Kenny and traced Stan's path, ignoring Cartman's whining insults._

_He was standing alone in the corner of the schoolyard, staring listlessly down at his shoes and trying hard to ward of the wave of nausea that was flooding him. He tensed noticeably when the snow behind him crunched with approaching footsteps._

"_Why'd you leave so fast?" Kyle's voice flooded his ears._

"_Leave me alone."_

"_What's wrong?" The concern rung in his voice like a bell. "Have you been watching Wendy again?"_

_Stan's anger rose as he turned to confront the question he thought was obvious . "This has nothing to do with Wendy, this is about you! It's pretty fucked up you didn't tell me!"_

_His mood began to spill onto Kyle. "What the hell are you talking about?"_

"_I thought we were best friends!"_

"_We are." softness and subtle panic laced the words._

_Stan's glare darkened a degree. "Not anymore! Get the hell away from me, I never want to see you again!"_

_Kyle's vicious expression now matched his. "Fine! I'll just go hang out with Kenny and talk about what a dick you've become!"_

_The tears finally broke free as he watched Kyle walk away…_

It had been three days since that happened, and they hadn't said a word to each other since. They sat on opposite ends of the classroom, ate at different lunch tables, and avoided each other everywhere else. Stan was depressed, and Kyle was pissed.

He regretted his words the moment they came out, and he hated himself for it now as he came to the edge of Starks pond and shoved his hands into his pockets. He hadn't meant to be so pissy about it. He was just upset. Now because of his overreaction, Kyle was leaving _and _hated him.

Tears welled up in his eyes for the millionth time that day. Life really sucked ass without him. The passed few days had been hell, not to mention lonely and lacking. Of course, he had other friends he could hang out with, but it wasn't the same. They weren't Kyle. He would never be able to look at a green hat again without feeling a tug at his heart.

"I'm sorry, Kyle." He told the surrounding trees.

He closed his eyes and let his head hang in despair. The air blew slightly, biting at his nose. It felt almost as cold as he felt inside. He concentrated on the sound as it howled quietly through the tree's, sounding like a person moaning in agony. Sounding almost as devastated as he was. He could barely breathe. It hurt every bit as much as it did when Wendy broke up with him. In both situations he was losing someone he cared deeply for.

He opened his eyes and lifted his head as his breathing began to grow deeper and more ragged. He could feel the anger rising from within, filling his entire being with hatred. His red-gloved hands balled into tight fists, and his teeth gritted and ground together as he let the reality of the situation sink in completely for the first time.

They were taking his best friend from him.

"Goddamnit!" He shouted, echoing off each surrounding mountain peek. He began taking his anger out on a nearby tree, smacking it with a thick branch and kicking at it as hard as he could. "Fucking bitch! What the hell did I do to deserve this? Why does this keep happening to me you stupid piece of shit! Why do you have to take him from me! Why Kyle?"

He tried to give the tree one last smack, and instead missed and fell to the ground with a soft thud. In an instant he was reduced to tears. His eyes searched the water of the pond, looking for some comfort, an answer, a solution, anything to ease the pain. Through his tear-blurred vision, an image appeared on the reflective surface. His sobs subsided on a soft sniff.

"Kyle," He spoke in a broken voice.

"You look like shit." Kyle stated simply.

He jumped slightly at the sound, thinking for a moment the other boy was just his imagination. "Go away, I'm not talking to you."

There he went again. Spouting off insults like an asshole. If he didn't cut the crap, he'd turn into Cartman in no time.

"_I'm _the one who wasn't talking to _you," _He corrected. "I only am now because I'm really worried about you. You're my best friend, Stan. So you'd better tell me what's up your ass so we can yank it out before it does any permanent damage."

He closed his eyes, squeezing out twin tears. He hadn't wanted to talk about it. He didn't want to admit how much he would miss him, and how much this hurt. He didn't want to have to say goodbye. But maybe sometimes you have to do things you don't want to because it's too important to ignore. His friend was leaving whether he liked it or not. If it were him leaving, he would feel better knowing his best friend still cared about him.

He turned to face Kyle dead-on, not even caring that tears were streaking his face.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick, Kyle. I didn't mean it. You're the coolest friend a guy could ask for. I just don't want you to go." He began sobbing and clung to the confused redhead.

"Go?" He repeated. "Go where?"

"Cartman told me you were moving." Stan cried.

"What!" He exclaimed, pushing Stan away yet keeping his hands secure on his shoulders. "Cartman's a lying, stupid, son of a bitch, why would you believe anything he tells you?"

Stan blinked away tears. "You're not really leaving?"

"No, I'm staying right here." He assured with a smile.

Stan smiled back, but it quickly faded. "You mean we haven't been talking to each other for three days because of Cartman's lie?"

"Pretty much."

Stan's eyebrows furrowed in anger. "Come on." He commanded as he began to walk away.

"Where are we going?" Kyle asked, following nonetheless.

"We're gonna go kick his goddamn filthy, lying, fat-ass, that's where we're going!"

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_-BratChild3_


End file.
